Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
