the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
