Old men and throwing up are my life now.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
he high fived his dick after we had sex
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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