why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
