Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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