Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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