evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
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I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
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How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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