dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I can't trust your balls anymore.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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