I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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