There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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