Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
