Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
