yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
