Don't you send me to vm
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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