they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he fucked my hip out of place.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
