Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
