Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
