This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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