your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
