I wanna bring you to show and tell
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
