Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
