If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Your cock deserves a montage
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
