sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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