I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
