My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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