do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
