i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Too much gin, very little bucket
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
