happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
