I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
