Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
