Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
