I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
