i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
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