i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
