So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
