I feel great
I just peed on a car
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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