waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
