I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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