Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
