can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just googled if crying burns calories
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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