Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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