i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
