On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I need to align my fucking chakras
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
