theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
