this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
