google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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