I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
