I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
