I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
please come you make the beer taste better
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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