He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I need to align my fucking chakras
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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