the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
