once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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