You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
