Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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