i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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