How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
organizing the empties. That sober.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
