you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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