Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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