I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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