I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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