i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
