saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Is it because I queefed?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just forgot I was standing up.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
