lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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