my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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