I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
