My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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