five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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