Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You need Xanax blowdarts
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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