i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
