Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
