can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
