can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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